“You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.”
I suppose that every girl must learn in her life what heartbreak feels like. They must learn the pain and wretched feeling that settles like a stone in their chest and squeezed the air out of their lungs, breaking a part all that hope and joy that had previously stood in that treasured place. Must learn what it feels like to have your world and expectations turned upside down, emptying you like a trash bin, hollowed out and blank. I don’t know how else to explain how I feel, for I’ve never had a mother that believed I would fall in love. Most mothers believe that there is somewhere out there that will love their daughters without equal. That will cherish and treasure her, be her equal and partner in life. Mine knew my limitations and had accepted that there was likely no one out there for me, so she cherished and sheltered me from the harsh reality that is love.
I can’t claim that I didn’t see it coming, why I hesitated so long to talk to him for I knew his reaction would be horrific…but I didn’t believe that he would cut me out without a second thought, without giving em a chance. Now I didn’t do anything that any would view as a sin, as an aberration against my love. I just asked for a few days apart, for a few days to myself in my own home…yet he acted like I told him that I wanted to break things off perfectly and as such, he cut through the bond we had. Left me adrift without an anchor…I miss him. I miss him so much that I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had to experience the pain of heart break before, yet now find myself lost in the ocean of loss. Mala is furious with me, has barely stayed in the home at all with me and from him I’ve heard nothing. The only one I’ve spoken to is Astrid. I made her a promise and I will keep that promise. Even if being near him hurts, I will be the best aunt I can to her little one…that I swear.
“Nothing good ever lasts.
It comes and blows on past.
The only thing that seem to stay
Are the tears and words that never pay
One heart, one mind and one soul
They can all feel a different pull.
Choices are made and options fade
In nothing like a fair, equal trade
One here and the other over there
Choosing one over other is never fair.
What dark deep dreadful emotion flies
When the heart makes unbreakable ties
What deep, drowning feelings bind
When the heart overpowers mind
Whoever know what the path will bring
As it travels by like the season of spring
Whatever knows the heart’s desire
Is deafened by silence thick as mire.
The beings that travel the night sky
Are not bound by a bridge, chain or tie.
I wish I was a nightly heavenly being
With their eyes wide-open and all seeing.
But alas, I am stuck to the earth
Joining a world bereft of mirth.
A trial here, and a challenge there
Passes on by those everywhere.
So again nothing good comes to stay
Lasting a year, a month, maybe a day?”