Fear

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise”
~Maya Angelou

For those of you who’ve known no fear, I pity and envy you all at once. I have known fear, I have know in it as a visceral screaming thing that has ripped my heart into tiny little pieces and than tread upon them with booted feet. I have known it as a whisper in my ear, egging me on as I ran.. Fear is the impulse to move because if you stop you shall die, to hide because if you are found than it’s over, to be silent because if you make a sound you will be silenced.

I know not why I write of fear this night. It might be the spread that I keep drawing from my cards, the repeated repetition of these ill-fated cards. No matter the layout I do, the cards all sit there, staring up at me and whispering their ill-fated premonition. I’m the storyteller of the past, the archives, my cards usually tell me of your heart and the trials that have brought you here…I don’t get omens of the future. Not normally but these cards won’t go away. They haunt me in my sleep.


 

On their own, each of these cards are not terrible, they just mean something is not in alignment. The Lovers reversed would say that a relationship is unbalanced or came about too swiftly so one should step back and look at their choices carefully. The Wheel of Fortune reversed means that your luck has run out and something is going to happen, something negative for you, or what you perceive as negative, leaving you feeling helpless and lost. The Tower, now this is the card that I fear the most from this spread…something is happening. Something is coming and it’s going to tear apart my foundation that I have built, that this town has built. Usually this destruction also brings about creation, but the signs are not looking favorably here for us. The Two of Swords reversed shows that we are stuck at an impasse. The same force has us out of options and running in circles, unable to figure out where to go or what to do. The Nine of Swords reflects the fear and anxiety in my heart and seems to amplify it. I have already ran from the shop, closing it down for now…what more can I give?

I sit in Astrid’s and Bastion’s library and type this, feeling the chaos that pulsates beyond these walls. I know if I step outside, the agony will come back, harder and more violently than before and thus I fear. I fear what I would do if I walk outside, and I also fear what I will do if I stay within too much longer. Those that I care for are outside….I feel Mala like a distant limb that should be with me. Teri and Marcus, I wonder and fear for them for I’ve not seen them in days, even Bastion and Astrid though I see them when they walk back inside. What will happen to us all…what is truly going on here. I have turned the news off on my phone, no longer wishing to hear of the sorrows that out-pour from it….if you are reading this, please be safe. Please be cautious and be well, for even if I don’t know you, your life affects someone and we all need to be together in this or we shall fall.  

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s